Saturday, October 15, 2011

Today

This morning a friend posted on Facebook that today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I didn't know such a day existed. I find it oddly appropriate that this day of remembrance falls on October 15.

Because it was exactly one year ago today when I had my third positive pregnancy test.

Twice before I carried a child in my womb for too short a time; I lost them both around seven weeks. Sitting here now, I don't know what gave me the courage to try again. My second miscarriage was on February 16, 2010. It was nine months before we were blessed again. My third child was conceived around when my second would have been born.

I woke up very early on the morning of P+14. I couldn't sleep. I was sick with the idea that the test might be negative--again. But I was petrified by the thought that it might be positive. The lines appeared, and I crawled back into bed, simultaneously light as a bubble and paralyzed with fear. I had no reason to believe that this pregnancy would have a happy outcome, but even after so much disappointment God still granted me the grace of hope.

Today, as I do every day, I remember my little ones who are lost to me, and I pray for the healing of my sisters who have lost a child by miscarriage, stillbirth, or adoption loss. May God give us all hope and the courage to try again.

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