Tuesday, November 8, 2011

A Bigger Person

CJ was a relatively easy baby for the first three months of his life. At the beginning of October, when Nemo and I made the decision that I would quit my job to stay home with CJ, he was sleeping 12-13 hours at night and taking three 45 minute naps per day. The naps were short, but they were a sure thing so I couldn't complain.

Since making that decision, CJ has very abruptly turned into a high-maintenance baby. The root of the problem is the naps. I used to put him down awake after 5 minutes of rocking in the rocking chair, and he would very obligingly go right to sleep and stay asleep for 45 minutes. Now, He fusses or screams for long periods of time, and has never once put himself to sleep that way. I always end up going to him and either get him up or do more rocking and soothing until he is fast asleep. When I DO get him to sleep, I'm lucky if he sleeps for 45 minutes. It is usually 30 minutes, and sometimes less. But still I struggle to get him down for three naps a day, because if he doesn't, he wakes up at night and then gets up absurdly early the next morning.

The internet is being characteristically unhelpful. Most websites just say that some babies are short nappers and I should just suck it up. I was willing to believe that when he was taking full naps and was a cheerful baby, but with these even shorter naps he is cranky as all get-out. He clearly needs to sleep longer, but for some reason he can't. I'm at the end of my rope, here.

Anyway, the whole point of this story is that yesterday, the worst day to date, when I felt like all I did the entire day was listen to him scream, listen to myself cry, and try to force him to nap, I had a thought that I'm not proud of. I thought, "I wish I was at work right now, so someone else could be dealing with this crap".

Now, don't misunderstand me. I am where I am supposed to be, and I want to be here. But having that thought made me think about things and I came up with this theory that CJ was always a high-maintenance baby, but he was disguised as a little angel up until a month ago because God knew that I am weak. If CJ had acted like this a month ago, I'm not sure I would have been a big enough person to make the decision to quit my job. It would be so much easier to let someone else take the helm when it comes to the unpleasant parts of parenthood. I might not have made the right decision, so I am very grateful that the circumstances were such that I did.

As I was writing this he was crying in his crib, and then fell asleep after *only* 25 minutes. That's never happened before! There is hope!

Also, I wanted to ask if you could spare a prayer for Older Sister's family. She is struggling with postpartum depression, a high-strung two-year-old, and a colicky six week old, all of which is putting an enormous strain on their marriage. More specifically, please pray that my BIL will agree to a Retrouvaille program. Thank you so much!

1 comment:

  1. Yay for hope - no matter where it comes from :).

    And I will pray for your olders sister and her family.