Thursday, June 25, 2015

Gift of Gab #2

I was going to write something pithy to introduce this quarter's round of toddler quotes, but I can hear Ender waking up from a lovely 40-minute nap, so...

They're growing up so quickly, blahblahblah and PUBLISH. Like a boss.

CJ: Mom! Someone wrote in this book!
Me: Oh? Who do you think it was?
CJ: Um, it was a bad guy.


While getting undressed for bed...
CJ: (points, aghast) What's that?!
He has been so busy unraveling the mysteries of the universe since he was born that it had apparently escaped his notice that he owns a pair of nipples.


(CJ has recently been learning to count in different languages. To understand this story you need to know that the German word for six is "sechs".)

While I was watching the morning show, the ticker at the bottom of the screen showed a headline relating to same-sex marriage... 
CJ:  (sounding out the word "sex") Seeex. Hm, Sechs! Sieben! Acht! Neun! Zehn! Yay!


CJ: What's for dinner?
Me: Chicken Tikka Masala
CJ (Looking at me incredulously): Ummm...that's a made-up word.

Fun in the mini-mudroom.

 While working on a number puzzle together...
Noni: Ere's zero? 
CJ: Here you go
Noni: Fank you, sweetie.

While overhearing the episode of Futurama that Nemo was watching on his tablet while feeding Ender in the nursery...
CJ: Mommy!!! Ender's talking!!!


CJ: Mom, I'm taking off my shirt.
Me: Why?
CJ: Because I can.

CJ: Mommy, I'm having six communions for lunch!

CJ: What do I get for dinner?
Me: An enchilada.
CJ: What's a poop-a-lotta?


While "helping" Nemo make bread...
Nemo: First we need the yeast.
CJ: What's yeast? I haven't ever heard of that.
Nemo: It's a microorganism that makes the bread grow big.
Noni: Mmmm....Yeaster....I wike eat dem bunny.

 She also likes to eat ink, apparently.


When I explained that the reason McQueen's tires blew out was because race cars go very fast and the tires wore out...
CJ: this car very fast? (patting the trusty ole minivan that he had just exited).
Me: Nope.


CJ: Daddyyyyy! An ant!!!
Nemo: squash
CJ (bursting into tears): Noooo! I wanted him to stayyyyy!!!

 I have to keep reminding him (and myself) that being threealmostfour is hard. It gets better, kiddo. Really.

After what seemd like hours of non-stop sqabbling...
Brief stunned silence.
Noni: Hey, I not Pete, I Noni!!!


Relating his version of Ender's birth story to a rather stunned Seminarian...
CJ: I'm CJ. This is our Baby Ender. She used to be in my Mommy's tummy, but then MeMe took me to Legacy Academy and Mommy's tummy squeezed and squeezed and SQUEEZED Ender out!!!

At least he wasn't relating the sordid details of Pride & Prejudice-based romance novels.

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Postscript: There's more Humblebee on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. Hope to see you there! Especially on Instagram. I love Instagram.


  1. LOL!! These are great. And that picture of the ink smeared face!!! Oh my goodness.

    I came over to your blog from the Edel FB page. I hope I'll get to meet you in Charleston!!