Thursday, June 4, 2015

Motherhood: This Isn't a Test

When I was a mother of one or two I looked up to mothers of three or more children. I thought they had motherhood figured out, and I really looked forward to joining their ranks because I am a teacher's pet who loves to know everything.

 Now I am a mother of three and I was disappointed to discover that I didn't get a free download of the motherhood guidebook when I pushed Ender out.

What do you mean, "that isn't a thing"?

What do you mean, "I'll never have it all figured out"?!?!

Excuse me, I have to go do some Lamaze breathing. Hoo hee hoo hee hoo....

I'm back.

Ok, so NO ONE has perfected the art of parenting, and if they say they do then they are either lying or in for a bit of a shock. Sorry, internet trolls trying to tell me my business. I'll try not to laugh too hard when you fall in a giant life pothole.

Even when you've been a parent for a while, walking into the room to discover that your two toddlers ripped up three pounds of play-dough into teeny tiny pieces and threw the resultant confetti all over the kitchen will still make your brain go, *ping*.

When your oldest is suddenly terrified of the very tame PBS show "The Odd Squad", you won't know what to do because he's the oldest and you've never had to deal with this kind of thing before!

When you're previously superstar napper newborn suddenly STOPS, you will never know why because she's a baby and trying to understand why babies do the things they do is a colossal waste of energy and will drive you batshit crazy. If I could give new moms one piece of advice, that would be it. Don't try to find out why; just deal with it and move on.

Eight weeks into this mother-of-three gig, I've discovered that the reason "seasoned" moms seem to know everything is because

They've learned to roll with the punches.

They've learned to let their kids surprise them.

They've learned that each of their kids needs to be parented differently.

They've learned not to have a "bad day" just because the morning was bad. Even if the afternoon and evening are bad too.

They've learned to let their world be a little crazy sometimes so they don't lose their minds trying to bring order to chaos.

They've learned to allow motherhood to change them.

They've learned to find a little joy in each day.

So I'm throwing away my notes.

Yes, I literally used to keep notes. There might have been graphs involved.

This isn't a test I can Ace.

But I can still win if I play it cool.

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Postscript: There's more Humblebee on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. Hope to see you there! Especially on Instagram. I love Instagram.


  1. Yup. The more kids I have, the more I realize I don't understand ANY of this. I just do it.

  2. Yup. The more kids I have, the more I realize I don't understand ANY of this. I just do it.

  3. This is one of THE most frustrating parts of motherhood (and SAHMing) for me! I was always the academic--hand waving in the air, throwing myself into paper writing and tests and generally trying to be a smarty pants know-it-all--and it paid off in top marks and teacher/professor compliments and all sorts of tangible proof that I was smart and worthy and had it all figured out. And now I have a baby and some days I find myself so incredibly pouty that no one will give me a grade or a snippet of praise about my deep grasp of philosophy (gag) or some other validation (whine, whine, whine) and it is SO HARD NOT TO BE PERFECT OR CLOSE TO IT AND HAVE NO HOPE OF GETTING THERE.

    Ahem. I got worked up there. :)

    Anyway, thanks for this, and for pointing out the ways there still are to succeed, and for just saying something I really needed to read. God bless you!

  4. Yes! I think the biggest reason moms of more seem to have everything figured out is because they've learned that you can't control everything (read: anything), so they're less likely to try to micromanage and then freak out because WHY IS THE MICROMANAGING NOT WORKING.